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I forgive you. Totally and completely. I'm sorry it took me so long to respond to this, the messages you had sent me. It's been three months, two drunken s that you didn't answer and I didn't leave a message to, your birthday, and last week I finally had the nerve to try to open the door to communication. I heard nothing from you... You may never see this, but it's out there. I have to be honest with myself, which means I have to be honest with you. This may not be the coolest move, but it's been on my heart for some time and I need to let it out. I had to make a few changes in myself to be able to approach what happened with compassion. It's true that I fell so hard and fast for you and that you were everything I had ever dreamed of, hands down. You are the man I have always wished for. I wanted to tell you so bad that night, and this song was playing. Something I would have sang to you. I had to choke back my tears and give you a chance to tell me what we were. Whatever I told you was bullshit. I drove 250 miles to find out what was going on with you and me.
I hope she makes you happy. All I ever wanted was your happiness, even though mine was the expense of it. I hope one day we cross paths again, but it will be up to you to make that move. Sadly, I think I'll always be waiting for you to make the move of your choosing. I just hope it has me in it. I honestly don't think things are really over for us. But at this point, I'm starting to wonder what it all meant and why I still feel the way I do about you. I wish you would just be honest about what happened, but if it's not in you to do so, I understand. I truly have forgiven you. My friends think I'm nuts, but they understand. When you have something like me and you had, it's easy to choose.With forgiveness comes new beginnings. I chose you, I chose us, and I still do. I mean that whole heartedly. I think it all came down to, she lives there and I don't. I was hoping that would have been the only reason. Maybe later on down the road we'll meet again. That's about all I can hold onto now. The chance fate will bring single woman looking sex relative dating us together again and all of the feelings will come rushing back.
Any hint of why, would have made this so much easier to let you go and fade into my past. Losing you has changed me. I don't know what the effect will be in the long run. All I know, is I've been walking around Columbia with this emptiness where you used to be... I felt something with you. I was scared when I had it. Scared to death of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, wearing the wrong thing, not being what you wanted. You were the first guy I ever thought was out of my league. And now I fear you may be gone forever. You touched me in every way a man can, but you also left footprints in my heart and shone light into my soul that I haven't seen in years. It all makes sense now. The first time we kissed I thought I would never see you again. You were an amazing guy that I met in Atlanta but it was too good to be true. Nonetheless, you kept coming back for more from me. The last time you kissed me I never thought I would see you again and haven't since that weekend in February. I think that was the saddest part, leaving Atlanta on Valentine's Day to go back to South Carolina knowing I was leaving everything (you) there. You took a piece of me with you when I walked away, you stole my heart when I wasn't looking.
You made me want to live again... You made me want to love again...
There will always be a place for you in my life and in my heart, M******. I have to say that I am utterly heartbroken. Still to this day. I can't lie to myself about that one bit... I've tried really hard to find peace. Every man I meet I purposely sabotage my chances with, hoping you would come steal me away. Because, I promised never to give my heart to anyone but you. It's still not quite the way it was. But I promise you, that this is real.
And If you wait till I get there, I swear to you that we can make this last.�
No matter where my day takes me, you are on my mind and you are the one I dream of. I may not be someone you miss. But I miss you everyday and only dream of the day I kiss you again. I hope it was all worth it. You are a wonderful person, even if I was not the one to keep you. If at some point in your life, you decide to come back to me, I will welcome you with open arms and a willing heart...
I'll be seeing you.�
All my love,�
M******�
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