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The Teleologist: We aren’t meant for each other. (.) The Deontologist: We aren’t right for each other. (.) The Consequentialist: We aren’t optimal for each other. (.) The Solipsist: It’s not you, it’s me. (.) The Empiricist: I think we should other people. (.) The Rationalist: I’m not a priority to you any more. (.) The Rationalist, v : I’ve been doing some thinking… (- Audi) The Rationalist, v. : If you can’t your faults, there’s nothing more I can say. (.) The Content Externalist: Ever since we moved, you’ve changed. (- Audi) The Continentalist: You’ve lost that and feeling. (.) The Egalitarian: This is the best thing for both of us. (- Audi) The Paternalist: In time you’ll come to that this is the best thing. (- Audi) The Humean: Just because we’re always together doesn’t mean we BELONG together. (- Audi) The Humean, v. : Relationships need to be about more than just constant conjoining. (.) The Reliabilist: This just isn’t working anymore. (- Audi) The Nagelian: You just don’t know what it’s like to be me. (.) The Functionalist: I don’t care about accommodating your feelings. (.) The Quinean: I’m sorry, but you don’t mean anything to me anymore. (- Miller) The Foundationalist: We have nothing left to build upon. (.) The Foundationalist, : I need to be able to branch out more. (.) The Relativist: It’s no one’s fault. (.) The Atheist: These things just happen. (.) The Kantian: You lied to me! (.) The Consequentialist, v : You should have lied to my mother about her pot roast! (.) The anti-Fictionalist: I’m sick of faking it. (.) The Cartesian: I don’t clearly and distinctly perceive a future together. (- Schubert) The Hegelian: Do we have to go through this again? (- Schubert) The Lockean: Our primary qualities simply aren’t compatible. (- Schubert) The Lockean, v. : Compared to my last partner, I’m not getting nearly enough, nor as good. (.) The Realist: You no longer move me. (.) The Quasi-Realist: Of course we’re going to be together forever… (.) The Motivational Externalist: Even though I believed it at the time, I know now that I never really loved you. (.) The Behaviorist: I just can’t keep going through the motions anymore. (- -) The Presentist: There just isn’t any future for us. (- -) The Eternalist: At least we’ll always have that weekend in. (- -) The Modal Realist: This never work—we’re from different worlds. (- -)
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